Take the Bad with the Good

I’ve been a little delayed on a blog update since I’m in limbo waiting to see if the Pittsburgh doctors can squeeze me into an earlier appointment, but I’ll get you up to speed from the past week and a half:

  • I moved back to Ohio temporarily
  • I won’t know how long I’ll be here or whether I’ll need to go on the transplant list until I meet with this new CF team (which is really freaking out my roommate because the Florida house is too quiet and lonely without me and Bailey. Awww)
  • I’m staying on 3 liters of oxygen constantly to make my life easier (I have two flights of stairs to deal with now)
  • I turned 27!! I’m still alive! Best birthday in at least 5 years!

Steelers game with my parents for my birthday

steelers

Dinner and visiting the giant duck with my best friends for my bday

thegirlsWhile I’m waiting for my doctors appointment, I’m really just taking it easy. I still work 20 hours a week (I do online marketing), but otherwise I’m just doing breathing treatments and hanging out. I put a pause to working out because my lungs are just being so stubborn, but I DESPISE excuses so I’m going to start doing what I can again.

Drug Side Effects – Not Sleeping

I’ve noticed in the last month that, along with all my last-minute changes to life, I haven’t been able to sleep at night. It’s not from stress because I’m really just going with the crazy flow of what’s going on and nothing has been bothering me. I probably wake up at least 8 times throughout the night and I’ve tried melatonin, benadryl, over-the-counter sleeping aids and even Ambien and nothing works.

Everyone knows that all drugs have side effects and now I’m just wondering which one is causing my solo slumber parties. I guess it wouldn’t really help knowing anyway because there aren’t any drugs in my cocktail that I can stop.

I’ve also considered the possibility that my oxygen level may be so low that my body might be waking itself up during the night because I’ve either stopped breathing or just don’t have enough oxygen. This will obviously be another thing to discuss with my doctors at my appointment.

Drug Side Effects 2 – Personality Traits Equivalent to Eeyore

So that’s one side effect I’m dealing with right now. Another one is something that people shy away from talking about, but that’s ridiculous because so many people are effected by the condition – depression.

I especially want to bring this up for any younger CFers out there reading this blog who may be depressed and are afraid to talk about it and feel like something’s wrong with them. We’re all a little crazy and if anyone tells you otherwise, then they’re probably crazy :p Plus I probably have more friends I know that have been to therapists than friends who haven’t, so I know I’m in good company.

Just think about it for a second. Most depression is caused from chemicals in our brains being out of balance. Now think about all the drugs a CFer is cramming into their body every day. It makes complete sense that we’d knock something out of line up there and then end up seeing signs of depression. Of course, not everyone with CF is depressed and other people are depressed who don’t even take medication. I’m just saying it’s logical.

All of that being said, I’ve dealt with depression for quite some time now. I’ve taken a few medications, but now that I’m making my way toward a lung transplant I think it would be a great idea to actually sit down and talk to someone to help keep my thoughts in order since this is a HUGE life decision and find a medication that works better for my situation.

All I want in life is to make other people happy and I can’t do that if I’m not happy. When people look back at my life I’m going to be upset if they compare me to Eeyore instead of Tigger. So I need to make sure I’m a T-I-Double Guh -Er.

The toughest part about my case is that I actually have a fantastic life and I recognize that. There is NOTHING for me to be sad about, which is the frustrating part. I simply have no reason to be depressed at all. So I’m excited to make some mood tweaks.

The good thing is, my depression never effects my optimism! My glass is always half full.

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